Carpe Diem

Poem: मेरा जहाँ (My World)

This one took a while to encapsulate my feelings. Starting from the scribblings while traveling in the U-bahn and buses (M48, 272) in Berlin, to all the way to Himalayas. That's the kind of journey it took me to bring it to its present form.

These lines reflect the inner turbulence, difficulty in coping with the external reality at times and the hope of conquering through all this, ultimately, reaching "my own world".

मेरा जहाँ

जीना हैं मुश्किल,
इस महफ़िल में दोस्त,
हैं सामने कोई मेरे,
ये कोई और तो नहीं?

खोया हूँ रात-दिन,
ख्वाबों कि दुनिया में,
मिलतें हैं लोग जो,
कहीं सच तो वो नहीं?

लड़ता हूँ तूफानोंको,
लिए अपने-आप में,
ढूँढता हूँ इक मंजिल,
वो है भी, या नहीं?

होगा इक जहाँ,
मेरा भी तो कहीं,
तुफानोंका मेरे,
होगा मकाँ वहीँ.

(Aug—Sept 2009, Berlin; May 2010, India; Ganesh Bagler)

Poem: तनहा (Beling Alone)

This is a (Hindi) poem that I had written reflecting my feelings about being alone, death and search of the ultimate truth of life, that I believed existed.

तनहा

मैं रुसवां हूँ खुदपर,
मैं क्यूं यहाँ,
महसूस करता हूँ खुद को बंदिश में,
हैं खुदाँ कहाँ?

ये ज़िन्दगी के नगमे गातें लोग,
आसपास मेरें,
मैं मौत की गहराईयों में खोया,
हैं ज़िन्दगी क्या?

हमेशा ही खोया हूँ मैं,
खोज में, उस अनजान सवाल के जवाब की,
जो शायद खुद ही हैं आखरी सत्य जीवन का.

क्या पता मैं हूँ भी या नहीं,
ये तनहाई मुझे चीरती हैं;
और भीड़ में भी मैं खुद को,
महसूस करता हूँ तनहा.

(10—12 July 1997; Ganesh Bagler)

Poetic Scribblings: Melancholy 101

Here are a few of my scribblings reflecting melancholy and feelings on death. While it was not so pleasing to go through that state of mind then, having been through that, it is liberating, joyful, wondrous and fun. :)

बहुत सारी यादें,
दफन थीं यहाँ,
कुरेदतां हूँ बहूत, कुछ मिलता ही नहीं;
ठीक ही तो हैं,
इक अरसा गुजरा हैं.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

मालूम नहीं हमें, के हम
डरे हैं मौत से, या बेखबर है उससे
पर माहौल ही कुछ ऐसा है
के दस्तक सुनाई देती है.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

भूलें नहीं अभीतक हम उस फिजां को,
याद आती हैं.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

अलग से नशे कि ज़रुरत ही क्या हमें,
हर इक ख़याल खो जाने को काफी है;
मरने की ज़रुरत ही क्या हमें,
हर लम्हा मौत, बस आना बाकी है.

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(3—7 November 1997, Pune; Ganesh Bagler )

Both ;)

Time again I, recently, had this occasion of surprising my audience with a succinct response. A special one that loosely reminds me of the incident narrated by Richard Feynman that lead to the title of the book: "Surely, you are joking Mr. Feynman".

In 1998, the first time I wore spectacles; my friends asked me whether it had negative power or positive. I would say, "Both", to take them by surprise. Indeed I had -0.25 power to my left eye and +0.25 to the right one!

Come to April 2010. While loitering in the maternity lobby, other expectant fathers would ask me whether my wife was through. When answered positively they further queried, "Is it a boy or girl?". With a mischievous smile I would say, "Both!".

It would take few seconds to make sense of what I had said, even as they wondered whether I was joking.

But then, why not! We have just become parents of twins; a baby girl and a baby boy. :)

Random (Poetic) Scribblings

When the world around is made to look too different than what I am used to seeing from my mind's eye. When I feel I am out of place. When I just can't make sense of things...

होगा इक जहाँ, मेरा भी तो कहीं;
तुफानोंका मेरे, होगा मकाँ वहीं.

If externals factors, people, were to be responsible for what I am, I would never be able to script my destiny. Hence:

अब होता नहीं मुझसे,
किसीसे गिला करुँ;
क्या करुँ शिकवां,
जो करुँ अपने-आप से करुँ.

If feelings had a share (market) value, it would have been, perhaps, the most difficult one to predict. A mind loaded with sad thoughts and feelings could fly in ecstasy courtesy of an infectious smile...

हलकेच तिथून एक मुग्ध हास्य येते,
मन पाखरू होते, आभाळी झेप घेते.

Reality is a difficult thing to get hold of. Materialistically as well as philosophically. Please see my blog, "Reality eludes me" for more elaboration.

काय आहे रूप वास्तवाचे, कळले नाही मला;
शोधताहे सत्य त्याचे, मिथ्या म्हणती ज्याला.
What is reality truly, eludes me forever;
I'm seeking for it, if there were one ever.

-- गणेश (Ganesh Bagler)

Reality eludes me

काय आहे रूप वास्तवाचे, कळले नाही मला;
शोधताहे सत्य त्याचे, मिथ्या म्हणती ज्याला. — गणेश
What is reality truly, eludes me forever;
I'm seeking for it, if there were one ever. — Ganesh

Perhaps there is no the truth. Only models of truth. Versions of truth. Aspects of truth. Perhaps it is not possible to rebuild the truth by putting together the jigsaw pieces, because there is none to start with. (Does it mean the core hypothesis of the judicial system is failed?)

What is reality? There is objective reality comprised of objects and events, that exists regardless of the presence of observer. But isn't this reality composed by me, the subject, through my senses? And this subjective reality, very personal reality is what matters to me the most. My personal history, memories, emotional responses paint the reality in real-time. And this reality, that is based on my neuronal excitations, is what is more real more me; is more persistent.

This reality, many times, despite contradicting to the objective reality, despite being orthogonal to it, is the one in which I live. Perhaps we all live in; many times.

Extreme notable examples could be individuals with symptoms of schizophrenia or psychosys. It is not unusual that I too visit this self-created world where my perceptions don't match with either that of most of others or what is possibly objective reality.

The former represents collective reality, the role of which must not be undervalued in creation of objects of reality.